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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Heat Strokes and Heated Strokes

Serena Williams had an "out-of-body" experience in the brutal heat of Melbourne at the Australian Open yesterday. [link]

She is believed to have said: "I felt I was watching someone play in a blue dress, and it wasn't me, because it was so hot out there".

Considering the heat wave in the sub-continent in the searing summer season is no less forgiving these are some of the more entertaining "out-of-body" experiences that we can expect soon :

" I see this fat, bald man crying hoarse with a diva sitting cross-legged on the dais. There is a unshaven, lean fellow with a stupid grin on his face, he has probably pinched that hair-band of his from his wife. He is sitting beside her, holding her hands, pointing at her sindoor. Also, there seems to be this really important looking old man trying to read "Mere Pitaji ki kuchh Kavitaaye" in a familiar baritone to the irate unpadh crowd shouting "kajraa rey, kajraa rey". I think the bald fellow needs some protection. Both from the sun and the mob."

- Amar Singh at a rally in Madhepura, Bihar. [link]

"I see this black-ox-of-a-man trying to prevent his small raft from sinking under his weight, all the while humming absorbedly a "chinna china asaai" tune. He also has a stack of magazines with a fat lady in a negligee posing most distastefully on their covers. His passport has only two letters - VP to avoid the entire thing being overrun by his full signature, between which he is trying to etch a carefully caligraphed 'I' just for an ego-boost in these troubling times. There is also a photo of a bald man in dark googles smiling that is peeping out from his misfitted outfit."

- Velupillai Prabhakaran fleeing Sri Lanka. [link]

"I see this man with a manicured moustache brooding intensely over a list titled "Who Next To Hit On in World Poilitcs" with a picture of a beautiful woman on the adjoining table kept face-down. I also notice a file labeled "Evidence from India" in the trash-can along with a note which reads " I am sorry. Love, Mushy". On the walls I see along with assorted portraits of American Presidents and Taliban Ulemas two distinct aberrations : The portraits of Hugh Hefner and Shivraj Patil."

- Just another day in office for Asif Ali Zardari. [link,] [ link]

"I see this really dejected fellow, white hair and an air of erudition about him, slapping his forehead and crying, "Bhogobaan!!! Not Again!!" at the sight of hoodlums picnicking in front of his house, blocking his way, raising a storm with slogans of "Cholchhe na! Cholbe na!" to everything he ever utters - a much familiar cry of dissent and protest, one he was brought up to believe in from his early years, ironically."

- Buddhadeb Bhattacharya trying to dribble past a blockade in front of his house. [link] & [link]

"I see, yes, I can cleaaarly see a O-man in a sadaa-kaalo-paar-saaree doing rasta-rokos and chakka-jams and amoron onoshons in the meedeel of the road. I can also see her in a Subhash-Chandra-Bosh-Dilli--Cholo posture, pointing her index finger towards a great red building. She seems driven now that the Tatas have driven their Nano out of Bengal. She recites her self-composed poem :
Leeteel caars phor leeteel peepol.
Bangaali is a graate jaati.
Make the autos doble, treepol
Or I become attyoghaati."

- Momota Banerjee in the middle of a mid-summer rally in Kolkata. [link] & [link]
P.S - attyoghati is bengali for sueycaaide.

" Who is this man ? Can't recognize him! Put him away! Seems terribly underfed. Might be from the SWAT valley or worse, one of those Ram Sena, Ravan Sena whatever!"
- Adnan Sami. [link]

"A man crying inconsolably. A tune drifting in from a distance , "kaahe ko roye.... chaahe jo hoye... safal hogi teri aradhana...kaahe ko roye...". He wipes his tears, settles his Johor-coat and enters the MEA after a heartrendingly brief stint in the PMO. He swears to himself, almost inaudibly, "In next laaife, I will be Madam if not the PM. Ei holo amar otoot bochon" and then struts like a politician who could never care to win a election, himself."

- Pehchan Kaun ? [link] & [link]

1 comment:

CAT said...

You are quite a revelation !!!