These are some of my views.
If you don't like them,
I have more.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Oye! It's Dryday!

After clamping down on "Western Evils" like Valentine's Day and 'necking in public' [link] the ire of our self-appointed moral guardians has shifted to something which can be, at its euphemistic best, called a fledgling social rot - Women who love their pint. [video link]

If the MNS, Bajrang Dal, RSS, VHP and Shiv Sena were not enough already there has emerged from nowhere a group of Right-Wing (flightless) moralists called Ram Sena, hell bent on reforming our society for us, their way. What is most disconcerting is the support, tacit or otherwise, that these hooligans are garnering from ministers holding public office. Karnataka CM B.S Yediyurappa and Rajasthan CM Ashok Gehlot who represent two of our nation's largest political parties have expressed their disapproval of 'the pub culture' gaining ground in this country. Public outrage and an active media has entailed that ever-invisible tug from their respective high commands in New Delhi and they have more or less disambiguated their previous statements, smoothening the edges to give it all a liberal yet concerned look.
Union Health Minister, Anmubani Ramadoss has chipped in with his comments,

"It is not our culture. If it goes this way, I don't think India will progress". [link]

Though it may strike as startling as to how women pubbing can affect the nations progress we hope the Union Minister has some logical explanation for his sermon.

History shows that any recession is marked by an increase in alcohol consumption in that economy. India is no exception. With newspapers ringing in bad news every morning regarding the employment figures around the world plummeting to new lows what can but a commoner, or say a software engineer do? A moment of thought for the Satyam employee and another for the recruited fresher biding his time in seclusion, waiting for that elusive DoJ ( 'Date of Joining' for the uninitiated).
The positives of spirit-induced-forgetfulness -
1. A restless youth kept reigned in the confines of a pub, voluntarily.
2. The exponential growth of the liquor industry.
3. A happy Vijay Mallya - meaning more colorful calendars.
4. More time to reflect upon the futility of material pursuits and hence renunciation.
5. A profusion of Devdases, born of diverse reasons - not necessarily Paros & Chandramukhis. - Better material for Bhansali and Co. to build their films on. Realistic ones at that.
6. A spirited nation looking at a better tomorrow. Sloshed.

So we look forward to a pubbing.. errr... throbbing nation.

P.S - About women's rights and their pursuit of pegs - I will write another day. Surely.
Till then, Hic!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Heat Strokes and Heated Strokes

Serena Williams had an "out-of-body" experience in the brutal heat of Melbourne at the Australian Open yesterday. [link]

She is believed to have said: "I felt I was watching someone play in a blue dress, and it wasn't me, because it was so hot out there".

Considering the heat wave in the sub-continent in the searing summer season is no less forgiving these are some of the more entertaining "out-of-body" experiences that we can expect soon :

" I see this fat, bald man crying hoarse with a diva sitting cross-legged on the dais. There is a unshaven, lean fellow with a stupid grin on his face, he has probably pinched that hair-band of his from his wife. He is sitting beside her, holding her hands, pointing at her sindoor. Also, there seems to be this really important looking old man trying to read "Mere Pitaji ki kuchh Kavitaaye" in a familiar baritone to the irate unpadh crowd shouting "kajraa rey, kajraa rey". I think the bald fellow needs some protection. Both from the sun and the mob."

- Amar Singh at a rally in Madhepura, Bihar. [link]

"I see this black-ox-of-a-man trying to prevent his small raft from sinking under his weight, all the while humming absorbedly a "chinna china asaai" tune. He also has a stack of magazines with a fat lady in a negligee posing most distastefully on their covers. His passport has only two letters - VP to avoid the entire thing being overrun by his full signature, between which he is trying to etch a carefully caligraphed 'I' just for an ego-boost in these troubling times. There is also a photo of a bald man in dark googles smiling that is peeping out from his misfitted outfit."

- Velupillai Prabhakaran fleeing Sri Lanka. [link]

"I see this man with a manicured moustache brooding intensely over a list titled "Who Next To Hit On in World Poilitcs" with a picture of a beautiful woman on the adjoining table kept face-down. I also notice a file labeled "Evidence from India" in the trash-can along with a note which reads " I am sorry. Love, Mushy". On the walls I see along with assorted portraits of American Presidents and Taliban Ulemas two distinct aberrations : The portraits of Hugh Hefner and Shivraj Patil."

- Just another day in office for Asif Ali Zardari. [link,] [ link]

"I see this really dejected fellow, white hair and an air of erudition about him, slapping his forehead and crying, "Bhogobaan!!! Not Again!!" at the sight of hoodlums picnicking in front of his house, blocking his way, raising a storm with slogans of "Cholchhe na! Cholbe na!" to everything he ever utters - a much familiar cry of dissent and protest, one he was brought up to believe in from his early years, ironically."

- Buddhadeb Bhattacharya trying to dribble past a blockade in front of his house. [link] & [link]

"I see, yes, I can cleaaarly see a O-man in a sadaa-kaalo-paar-saaree doing rasta-rokos and chakka-jams and amoron onoshons in the meedeel of the road. I can also see her in a Subhash-Chandra-Bosh-Dilli--Cholo posture, pointing her index finger towards a great red building. She seems driven now that the Tatas have driven their Nano out of Bengal. She recites her self-composed poem :
Leeteel caars phor leeteel peepol.
Bangaali is a graate jaati.
Make the autos doble, treepol
Or I become attyoghaati."

- Momota Banerjee in the middle of a mid-summer rally in Kolkata. [link] & [link]
P.S - attyoghati is bengali for sueycaaide.

" Who is this man ? Can't recognize him! Put him away! Seems terribly underfed. Might be from the SWAT valley or worse, one of those Ram Sena, Ravan Sena whatever!"
- Adnan Sami. [link]

"A man crying inconsolably. A tune drifting in from a distance , "kaahe ko roye.... chaahe jo hoye... safal hogi teri aradhana...kaahe ko roye...". He wipes his tears, settles his Johor-coat and enters the MEA after a heartrendingly brief stint in the PMO. He swears to himself, almost inaudibly, "In next laaife, I will be Madam if not the PM. Ei holo amar otoot bochon" and then struts like a politician who could never care to win a election, himself."

- Pehchan Kaun ? [link] & [link]